Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
