i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I need help removing her.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
