He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
