I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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