My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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