On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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