either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
