I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
