when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
