So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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