My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
