I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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