he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i drank out of a bidet.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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