woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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