I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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