If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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