i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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