NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
