Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
