My nipple is on Facebook.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
