Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
