Cold hands, warm shart.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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