he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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