so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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