I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
