You made me cry and you don't even care
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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