Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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