So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
