i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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