Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
