I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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