if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
