nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
