I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
