Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So vagazzling was a success
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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