mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
