You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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