i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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