grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
