all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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