I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
