Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
