I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
