It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
