I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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