Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
