and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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