eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
