this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
