one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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