am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
