how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's a Shit stain on my heart
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
