Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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