my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
