So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
