Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
