you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
