I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
