2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
