Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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