either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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