At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
