so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
