You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
