So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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