In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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