1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
