Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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