I don't usually arrange sex via text message
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
