i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
