I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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