Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
