My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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