She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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