Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
